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August 2005

I Have Some Theories

I occasionally see patterns in the search queries I find in my logs. Usually, there's some evidence that someone has come looking for something specific and tried getting to their results from a number of angles. Occasionally, though, coincidence throws together terms that make a much more interesting story:

#reqs

search term

2

power strip big adapters

2

twin towers

2

what can gay men stick up there butts?

2

muscleboy alessandro nivola

I can't decide which of those would be the best answer for the third one.

On a Clear Day

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My lungs and sinuses are very happy that the we've gotten another break from the heat and the humidity. I can almost breathe like a normal person at the moment! The other great thing about a clear summer's day is great sightlines, especially at twilight.

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Bustin' Out All Over

Something's goin on

Going into Cowgirl Hall of Fame, I could see that there was a lot of rubbernecking happening a block down, at the corner of Christopher and Hudson. It was hard to tell, though, whether there was a fire, an accident, or what. I was curious, but I was hungrier. By the time dinner was over, though, the sun had set and the floodlights and an even larger crowd had arrived at the scene, making it very clear that something was still going on, and it was kinda major.

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Puppies!

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I know that cats are the more classic subject matter for random cuteness pictures in the blog world, but I’m not such a big fan of the cats. Cute puppies in a store window, however? Color me giggly.

Sod It

The Neighbor's Brand New Yard

The guy who bought the house next door is a contractor, so when he finally decided to deal with his yard, he really went for it. I haven't seen this kind of unnatural nature since I left Staten Island. It's sort of tragically magnificent, isn't it?

Destination Known

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Having Made My Bed...

Like a lot of posts hiding in my archives, this one will never have seen the front page of the site. It will have languished as a draft until I release it into the murky depths of the archives. That way, it's part of the overall story, but without being subject to quite as much public scrutiny.

I know I made the call. I know I know I decided it was time to move on, but it still hurts like hell. I expected that, even after the three years of waiting for him to warm up again, and the many, many months of trying to accept that he wouldn't (couldn't) and that’s just who he was and he was right in the first place. But there's lingering hurt from all the waiting and all the wanting and all the nudges and touches that were never reciprocated. There's pain about all the failed efforts we both made to care more about the other one's passions. Pain, pain, pain, sadness, pain.

The pain that’s keeping me awake tonight comes from his total lack of reaction to the Big Talk. To be more accurate, it was more of a big, weepy breakdown of mine that was met with an impassive handful of words from him. There was a quick hug with a fairly cool "it'll be OK" the next morning, but that’s been it. I hope he's talking to someone, because he certainly isn't letting me know how he feels about it.

But that’s just been part of the problem all along. that’s why I’ve felt so lonely. He doesn't like to show his feelings with confidences or with physical affection, and I don't like to mask my feelings with food or books.

Artistic Differences

Just to be clear, I ought to mention that I haven't been lazy — I’ve been taking a break. When I return to posting, which I expect will be within a couple more weeks or so, things are likely to be a little different. It won't be a redesign this time, but instead it will be a change of circumstance.

For reasons I don't plan on discussing, I’m moving back to Brooklyn soon. To live by myself. That makes me deeply sad in many ways, but it's also the best thing for me to do. It was my decision, and I made it so that I can preserve something with a truly wonderful person who is, I’ve come to accept, more of a friend than anything else. Therefore, I’m going back to Brooklyn so each of us can stop waiting for the other to become a different person.

That is all for now.

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